This post is more personal (the blog is full of them these days huh). People who have been following me online will know. April is a crazy month and I’ve been quite unstable, stressed and yeah it’s like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Not so evident from the blog, but yeah still visible. Some of my friends have been asking if I’m alright hahaha. Yes I am (for the most part) but a lot of things have been going on – I have to deal with a lot of stuff that I hate to do (sorry it still has to remain cryptic).
Enough of that.
Like most people, I want to rant a little online but increasingly, I find myself unable to do that. Now that the blog has quite a sizable readership (?), I find myself being even more careful of what I reveal and how I behave online. It’s not like I’m trying to create a fake persona on the blog, but there’s a lot more repercussions I think. I’ve been meeting people who reads the blog even in the most unlikely situations (eg. job interviewers who were already readers of my blog o.O) and I seriously wonder who’s out there reading the blog hahaha. Hangukdrama (and related activities) is now very much a part of me that it’s getting difficult to draw a line between my so-called professional (non-existent yet) and personal life.
Although Korean is still a hobby for me, I’ve actively (and also indirectly) made Korean to be a big part of my life (and will get bigger I guess?) that I can’t just talk without thinking anymore. For example, it totally won’t look good for a erm say fashion designer to have random outbursts of how much he/she hates fashion and the recent crappy trends (even if it’s really just a one-off comment that the person didn’t really meant) or start complaining about fashion companies / institutes that he/she may be in in the future. Yeah, so I can’t shoot my mouth off for Korean too hahaha.
Frustrated with a lot of stuff but I can’t just air them in the blog / twitter.
If I already feel this way (being just an insignificant blogger on the internet), how do famous people deal with it?! hahahaha just a passing thought.
I’ll just have to keep my frustrations, snide remarks and complaints to myself haha. xD
Prepping for my first academic conference and I’m super excited. I take pride in my thesis and I think doing a paper presentation will be damn fun!!
12 Comments
Van
24 April, 2013 at 10:03 PMIt’s okay to have personal posts, not everything on this blog is supposed to just revolve around korean/Japanese. I enjoy the other posts also. I hope you get to relax and relieve some stress soon probably after you graduate?
You’re a celebrity already! 😛 It sucks how you can not express your thoughts without thinking of what might happen. Yeah I agree with your fashion designer statement. Remember what happened with Jay Park and Brian Joo, they got a lot of backlash with statements about korea.
Hey! You’re not just a insignificant blogger! We appreciate what you like to talk about and enjoy your life and personal thoughts 😀 but are you insinuating that you’re famous hahahaha :P?
But I’m guessing since you cannot with rant on the blog/twitter, do you talk to your close friends about what’s on your mind though? Anyways 힘내요!
hangukdrama
30 April, 2013 at 7:44 PMhaha I think the stress will increase after graduation. Because of that WHAT’S NEXT question. To be honest I don’t really know and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of those judgmental comments and disapproving looks D:
ㅋㅋㅋ totally not insinuating anything! But definitely learnt over the years that I cannot just write anything that comes to my mind xD
Van
1 May, 2013 at 8:45 AMAh yes the big question for everyone after they graduate from university. Do you have any ideas of what to do yet though? Yeah definitely that will just build up stress…
Haha words of the wise xD
Alice
24 April, 2013 at 11:46 PMHaha. Just wanna say that I totally get how you felt. Not that I’m a famous person hahahahaha but not too long ago, I was a very active “member” of an international fandom network. I used to go to the celebrity’s fanmeet and have people I don’t know coming up to say hello, giving me little gifts, tweeting after the event that they saw me but didn’t dare to say hello… etc. At that time, I already have a blog and I went through the same thing you talked about in this entry today . I became increasingly wary of what I share on my blog and it totally stressed me out. Like you said, I cannot even share my own true thoughts because people can’t seem to accept that you can like something, but also criticize it at the same time. :/ If you say something that appears negative, people get all upset, judgmental and find it hard to accept this. In the end, I chose to leave the fandom and deleted everything related to it on my blog (and started afresh). Even though there are still a number of readers who come in to my blog everyday… at least I don’t feel that kind of stress anymore haha (or the scrutiny), even though I still feel the need to share selectively.
I guess you will also find your own balance as well! Meanwhile, all the best for your presentation ^^^^
hangukdrama
30 April, 2013 at 7:50 PMtotally understand what you mean! I try to avoid talking about fandom or anything related to the entertainment circle. Learnt my lesson once when I wrote a review for a concert that I went to. I was bashed for some of the seemingly less positive stuff that I said (really mild). Really got a shock, since I’m really a big fan of them in the first place. ><;;
Lucie D
25 April, 2013 at 4:28 AMWhatever the case, let me just say…. 頑張って！
I admire how you pursue what you love, how you seem to have a direction (or at least several possible directions) in life and your determination to work hard for your goals. Things that somewhat seem to be diminishing in my life. Luck hasn’t been much on my side and I’m not exactly able to get back properly into the field I studied for four years. And with all the exhaustion I barely seem to be able to focus on any hobbies, and when I do I start thinking that I should be doing something else. So definitely reading your blog, and even the cryptic posts make both angry at myself, and in a way motivate me to work harder.
Btw, what exactly is your thesis about, if you don’t mind me asking??
Also well done on taking the TOPIK exam, and good luck on the N3 (I really should memorise 1000 kanji and get down to taking the N3 -.-;;)
And finally, since you’re into watching J-dramas lately, I thought I’d send a recommendation for a drama that I personally enjoyed, which is the Liar Game. The only drama that has ever made me actually think. Actually I re-watched it lately. Not sure if it would interest you, or if you have watched….
Enjoy the rest of the week and good luck with whatever you have on your plate lately.
hangukdrama
30 April, 2013 at 7:55 PMEveryone goes through rough patches (I’m kinda in one now haha) but hopefully we will come out of it being better and stronger people (: Has things gotten better?
My thesis is about linguistic landscape in Korea and how through the examination of public signage and the languages used in them, it can be related to the identities and ideologies associated with the two languages in the society. XD I had a lot of fun documenting the signs and analyzing them! ^^
I haven’t seen Liar Game but it’s been on my to-watch list for quite some time!! (:
Lucie D
13 May, 2013 at 8:21 AMooooh, that sounds interesting. Wouldn’t have thought about linking public signage and identities and ideologies… What was your conclusion if I may ask?
This only distantly reminds me of my final year research project for my BSc which focused on language in Psychology – phonetic symbolism and symbolism of Chinese characters.
Sometimes I wish I could have done a different and more interesting projects at uni. @_@ Maybe that is just the learning process, looking back I realise another hundred things I could have done differently and better.
Hopefully we’ll come out being stronger and better people, but sometimes I feel like my sanity is hanging off a thread. Guess that is what work in mental health does to a person.
As they often say, after the storm and clouds sunshine will come again.
Have a great week and let me know what you think of Liar Game when you get around to watching it – not so long ago I discovered that there was a movie released last year. 😀
Lucie D
25 April, 2013 at 4:37 AMMy comment disappeared? O_o
Van
25 April, 2013 at 6:04 AMNah the longer messages usually have to get approved! I thought the same thing also~
Lucie D
26 April, 2013 at 4:38 AMI see, thanks for letting me know. 🙂
hangukdrama
30 April, 2013 at 7:56 PMhehe actually not really. It’s just the comment system being screwed up and wrongly classifying comments as spam